


One Of Those Days

by Izzyaro (Isilarma)



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Depressed Steven, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, OCD Steven, Self-Hatred, Very vague references but tagging to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 08:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8156479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isilarma/pseuds/Izzyaro
Summary: Most days, Steven is fine. He's the Champion of the Elite Four, the strongest trainer in Hoenn, known and respected throughout the land. Most days he's completely comfortable with that.
Some days, he's not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this was supposed to be short character study that went a tad out of control, but I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Many thanks to ReiRuKaZu for reading this over.
> 
> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to The Pokémon Company, Nintendo, Game Freak, and Satoshi Tajiri and Ken Sugimori. I own nothing.

* * *

 Steven opened his eyes and felt like he was suffocating. Like Lairon was sitting on his chest the way she used to just after she evolved, before she realised she was too big for that any more. Like there had been a cave in and he was trapped and running out of oxygen with no hope of escape.

Except he wasn't in his cave. He was in his bed in Mossdeep, and Lairon wasn't in his chest, she was in her Pokéball on the bedside table, and she wasn't even a Lairon any more, hadn't been for years, and he couldn't think. Everything seemed so overwhelming, tiny insignificant noises sounded like storm clouds, and every brush of fabric was a razor blade against his skin and every heart beat hurt, and he had no idea what he supposed to be doing.

So he got up. He washed and dressed, and all the familiar motions that didn't even seem real. He didn't see the point in eating so he didn't, and he only picked up his Pokéballs because they were as much a part of him as his own hands. It was only when he stepped outside and saw the sun high in the sky that he realised how late he was, but still all he felt was nothing.

There were no challengers scheduled when he finally arrived at Ever Grande City, so Steven tried to bury himself in paperwork. It was getting close to the end of the year, and he had budget reports from about a dozen different Gyms to approve. Then there were the proposals for new Gyms, and disputes between cities, and reports of an unregulated breeding centre being set up in Lilycove, and the hundred other duties they never told you about before you became Champion. There was more than enough to keep him busy for the day.

But his concentration was still shot and his thoughts were running round and round on the same unending loops, and he simply couldn't see the point. He read the same proposal four times, and could still only think about the pattern of veins under his skin and the too loud throb of his pulse in his ears.

If Lance or Cynthia could see him now. Pathetic.

* * *

 Metagross knew immediately that it was going to be one of those days. Their friend's mind, usually so sharp and curious, felt muted, all passion smothered. It was a situation they were distressingly familiar with.

It could be worse. Steven had gone to work instead of staying in bed or hiding underground, and he had yet to seriously contemplate his more extreme coping strategies.

Metagross could work with that. 

* * *

Sidney was dragging himself through his own paperwork when he heard the scratch at the door, and he seized the distraction with relief. He opened the door and blinked.

"Huh."

The little Aron blinked huge blue eyes at him, and Sidney sighed. He wasn't even that surprised. The boss was only ever late on days like these. He squatted down and scratched the steel head. "I'm first, right?"

Aron nodded, and butted his leg ever so gently. Sidney nodded, and straightened up. "Let's go, then."

Aron walked Sidney right to the door, as if half expecting him to bolt, but the little creature was so earnest that it was impossible to be offended. He saw Sidney to the office and then toddled back down the corridor. Sidney watched him go with a smile, but all amusement faded as he looked back at the door.

Honestly, Sidney struggled when it came to this sort of thing. He dealt with his problems by attacking them face on, and an enemy that couldn't really be fought left him floundering. Words were Steven and Glacia's weapons, not his.

But Steven had stood against all the outraged traditionalists and given a young punk from Mauville a chance to prove himself, and Sidney would always owe him for that. He drew himself up, tapped Absol's Pokéball for confidence, and rapped sharply on the door.

"Boss? You busy?"

There was a slight pause before Steven replied. "It's open."

Sidney winced. The complete lack of emotion in his voice wasn't exactly a great start. He forced his typical smirk back to his face and pushed open the door.

"Yo, boss."

Steven sighed. "I told you, you don't need to call me that."

Sidney shrugged as he slouched into the chair. "Glacia's still tellin' me I need to respect my superiors. You don't wanna get me into trouble do you?"

The words were true enough, but they also gave Sidney a chance to assess the situation. Not that he needed long; a single glance was enough to see why Aron had been dispatched. Steven looked exhausted, and he'd gotten even less work done than Sidney. He seemed to be having trouble concentrating, and it took him a moment to reply.

"Well, I'm her superior too, and I'm saying you don't have to do it."

"Got it, Boss," said Sidney cheerfully. "Mind tellin' her that?"

That would normally have got at least a smile, but Steven just sighed. "Did you need something?"

Sidney made a split-second decision. "Could use some advice if you're not busy?"

As expected Steven took the bait. "Of course. What's wrong?" His grey eyes had sharpened almost immediately, and Sidney just about hid his grin. If there was one thing true about Steven it was that he would always do his best to help his friends.

"Nothing's wrong exactly," he said slowly. "It's just, well, I've been thinking about expanding a bit. I mean, my team's awesome, but we've been having a bit more trouble since challengers wised up and started bringing Fairy types."

It was true. Sidney still won the majority of his battles, he hadn't gotten his position for his dashing good looks, but more trainers than he liked were getting past him. Steven nodded thoughtfully.

"I see. I assume you're thinking of getting a Bisharp or something similar?"

"That or a Houndoom," Sidney agreed, "but it'd be nice to actually hit the damn – darn" he corrected as Steven raised an eyebrow "things every now and again."

Steven nodded. "I understand. You'd have even more of a problem with Fighting types though."

Sidney grimaced. "Yeah, I know." He scratched his head. "Maybe a Drapion or Skuntank would work better."

"You always could try both," Steven suggested. "I know someone in Unova who breeds Pawniard, and if you did want to visit you could talk to Roxie in Virbank City about the Poison types." He shrugged. "And of course I'm always happy to help with Steel types."

Sidney grinned. "Sounds like a plan to me. Thanks, Boss."

Steven rolled his eyes, but there was the faintest trace of a smile dancing on his lips. Sidney lingered a few minutes longer, ostensibly to work out the logistics of taking a couple of weeks leave, but really so he could see just how much progress had made. Steven certainly looked better, but then he couldn't really have looked much worse, and he was still missing his usual energy.

Well, Sidney had done his best. He'd softened him up a little. Maybe the reinforcements would have better luck.

He thanked Steven again and left with his usual swagger, but Sidney didn't head straight back to his office. Instead he took the corridor to Phoebe's. Her door was open, and Aron was playing with her Sableye in a corner. She looked up as he lounged in the doorway, and raised an eyebrow, and he threw her a lazy salute.

"Tag. You're it."

Phoebe nodded. "Any luck?"

Sidney made a non-committal gesture. Talking like this felt like a betrayal, but it was necessary. "Better, still not great. You might wanna bring out the big guns."

"I'll think of something," Phoebe promised. "Now you'd better go do some work."

Sidney snorted, but otherwise didn't protest. He could pick up the slack for his friend for one day. 

* * *

 Phoebe watched Sidney slink away and sighed. The Dark type trainer put on a good act, but he worried as much as the rest of them did, and it sounded like this was a bad one. She sighed and reached down to open the bottom drawer of her desk. At the very back, behind old notes and half-finished drafts, lay an old wooden box. Phoebe set it on the floor, and beckoned Aron over.

"What do you think?"

Aron studied the collection of rocks with such intensity that Phoebe had to smile. She'd started her collection the first time Steven had one of one of these days, a few months after she had qualified as a member of the most exclusive club in Hoenn. Now, wherever she went she kept an eye out for interesting stones. Some she asked Steven about as soon as the opportunity arose, just to see the way his eyes lit up, but most she kept for just this sort of occasion.

Aron made a muffled noise, and she held out a hand. She blinked at the stone he'd chosen and her eyebrows shot up.

"This one? Really?"

Arno nodded firmly. Phoebe sighed. "All right, then." She put the box away and rose to her feet. "Lead the way."

Aron left her at Steven's door and headed in the direction of Glacia's office. Phoebe checked the time, judged it had been long enough that Steven wouldn't be immediately suspicious, and pushed over the door.

Okay. She could see why Aron and Sidney had been so worried. Steven didn't even notice she was there until she cleared her throat, and even then he was slow to look up.

"Phoebe?"

If this was looking better Phoebe was almost glad she hadn't been the first one to visit. She summoned her best smile and shut the door. "Morning, Steven. You busy?"

Steven glanced over his overflowing desk with a complete lack of interest and shrugged. "Not really."

"Great. Then can you take a look at this for me?"

Steven raised an eyebrow, and held out a hand. "Of course." Then he actually looked at what she was giving him and his eyes widened.

"A Mega Stone?" There was no trace of apathy in his voice now, and Phoebe just about hid her grin. Piercing grey eyes locked on hers. "How long have you had this?"

Phoebe kept her voice light. "Oh, I think it was the last time I visited my grandmother. She was the one to find it actually, but things have been so busy lately that I completely forgot to ask you about it." She held her breath, but Steven was too busying studying the stone to pick apart the holes in her story.

"Right," he said absently. "She found it on Mount Pyre?"

"That's right," Phoebe told him. "Near the top. Do you know what it is?"

Steven turned it over in his hands and shook his head. "Not without examining it more closely. Do you mind if I borrow it?"

"Be my guest. I just want to see if any of my Pokémon can use it."

Steven tilted his head to one side. "Well, they often seem to turn up in places appropriate to the Pokémon, so there's a good chance that it's for a Ghost type. Though the colours would indicate that it isn't a Gengarite at least."

Phoebe had to acknowledge that the pale blue stone, with its pink and cream flecks, did not look like it was for a Gengar. "But I've heard you can get Banettite, so there's a chance it might be that at least."

Steven raised an eyebrow. "True, but be careful. It might be for a completely different Pokémon altogether."

"Oh, I know," Phoebe agreed. "But there's nothing wrong with hoping."

Steven's smile turned ever so slightly strained, but he managed a smile. "I suppose not." He set the stone down with clear reluctance. "I'll take a look at it this evening."

Phoebe took the hint and rose gracefully to her feet. "Thanks, Steven."

Once outside she let herself stand still and take a deep breath. That had gone a lot better than she had been expecting. Aron had made a good choice. It had been a relief to see some of the passion back in her friend's eyes. Hopefully the mystery of the unknown stone would be enough to keep his mind out of whatever hell it had made for itself.

Phoebe shook herself, and set off for Glacia's rooms. They were making progress, but they knew from experience that the effects of such distractions never lasted long. It would take a little more than that. She should probably resent the disruption, but somehow she never could. It was never nice to see anyone like that, and when it was Steven, who was normally so calm and gentle, it was only more painful. She could never begrudge him the odd bad day.

Glacia's door was open, and Phoebe could see Aron sitting very quietly by the Ice-type trainer's feet. Glacia raised an enquiring eyebrow, and Phoebe managed a smile.

"A little better, I think."

"Good," said Glacia. "I will be along shortly." She looked at Aron. "Go and visit Drake for a while."

The little Steel type practically ran from the room, and Phoebe couldn't help giggling. They would be just fine.

* * *

Glacia signed on yet another dotted line and turned to the next sheet. There was no sense in rushing. Steven would have picked up that they were working together by now, and the last thing she wanted was for him to feel like he was being patronised. She respected him too much for that, both for his skills as a Pokémon trainer and his devotion to those he cared about. It seemed only fair to return the sentiment.

The document was scanned, analysed and signed, and Glacia rose gracefully to her feet. Time to see what she could do.

Steven's call for her to come in was prompt enough, and Glacia spared a moment to appreciate her younger colleagues' efforts. Her first glance at her friend confirmed the impression; Steven still didn't look like himself, but he looked nowhere near as bad as Sidney had implied. It seemed the earlier visits really had done some good.

Of course, things weren't perfect. He was fiddling with a multicoloured round stone, and clearly paying no attention to the piles of paperwork covering his desk, but Glacia was relieved enough to find him showing interest in anything that she declined to comment. Steven looked up at her approach and blinked.

"I am popular this morning," he muttered. "How can I help you, Glacia? Do you have a rare stone you need to ask me about too? Or perhaps you're planning on obtaining a new team member?"

At least he was alert enough to have noticed. Glacia raised an eyebrow and took a seat. "I am quite happy with my Pokémon, thank you," she said primly. "And forgive me for saying so, but the only stone I am interested in is Glalie's Mega Stone."

"You didn't say that when I gave you Snorunt's Dawn Stone," Steven pointed out.

"That was the exception that proves the rule."

"Of course." He shook his head, but there was a faint grin curving at his lips. "So what can I do for you?"

"Merely some intelligent conversation," Glacia told him. "After a morning of wading through some of the most asinine proposals I have ever encountered I find myself in dire need of it."

Steven actually grinned at that, quick and fleeting, but it was there and Glacia felt a warm rush of relief. "You've got my attention."

Glacia let out a long, exasperated breath. "I will never understand why Gym leaders cannot deal with such inconsequential matters themselves."

"Probably because they have as much patience for morons as you do," said Steven dryly. "Or so I've gathered from listening to Wallace."

"Well, the next time you see him you can tell him to stop doing it."

Steven snorted. "I would if I thought it would make any difference. What makes you think he'd pay any attention to me?" Something dark glittered in his eyes, and Gacia frowned at him.

"The fact that you are the Hoenn League Champion?" The words came out a little sharper than she intended, but Steven looked like he needed the reminder. "And because the two of you are friends."

Steven blinked, then shook his head. "Of course."

His eyes wandered aimlessly over the desk, and Glacia decided it was time to get the conversation back on track. "So, what particularly imbecilic schemes have you come across today?"

Steven coughed. "Ah. I'm afraid I haven't made as much progress as I'd hoped." He glanced at the paperwork, and Glacia could almost see the energy drain from him. Normally she had little patience for such lack of concentration, as Sidney knew all too well, but there were exceptions. Some things were beyond anybody's control. She sighed and took the top file.

"Petition for the formation of a Flying-type Gym," she read. "We've got one. Next."

Steven snorted. "You can't do it like that."

"Why not? Tell them to go apprentice with Winona for a few years." She dropped the file very pointedly on the other side and picked up the next one. "Grass-types. I think not."

Steven shot her a sly look. "You're not still upset about that Chestnaught are you?"

"The Chestnaught I defeated?" she emphasised. "Certainly not."

"Really? Mega Glalie looked almost embarrassed-"

"Next."

Steven actually laughed, and Glacia didn't even try to hide her own smile. That was much better.

The two of them worked their way through another half a dozen files, or rather Glacia made no attempt to curb her acid tongue and Steven tried and failed to stay on track.

"You realise I'm going to have to go over all these again, don't you?" he said, as she rejected an extremely optimistic budget request.

"Yes, but at least you'll already know the right answer." She checked the time and stood up. "But I suppose I should leave you to it."

Steven smiled at her. "Thank you for your help." His tone was still light, but his grey eyes were very serious. Glacia just nodded.

"You are always welcome."

She allowed herself a slight smile as she made her way through the corridors. Speaking too soon would invite disaster of course, but it was beginning to look like they were past the worst of it.

Drake had clearly been expecting her. The door was open, and a cup of her favourite tea sat on the desk opposite him. Aron was curled up in between Altaria's front legs, both of them fast asleep. Glacia raised an eyebrow.

"You actually managed to wear him out?"

Drake chuckled. "He did that all himself. Though Altaria might have helped a tad."

Altaria cracked open one eye and gave a very satisfied, but also very quiet trill. Glacia took a sip of her tea and smiled. "It's not as bad as it could be," she said thoughtfully.

"Hope you're not talking about the tea," Drake murmured. Glacia just looked at him, and he grinned. "I'm glad to hear it. Both parts."

Glacia rolled his eyes. "Just for that, I'm not going to wish you luck."

"Don't need it," said Drake easily. "I trust you lot."

Glacia just shook her head, and the two of them drank their tea in companionable silence. Sometimes she didn't know why she put up with any of them. 

* * *

 Drake took his time after Glacia had left. He puttered around his office, rearranging books and organising papers until he judged enough time had passed, and then walked over to kneel next to Altaria. The dragon looked up and hummed softly, reaching into his hand for a scratch, and Drake smiled as he stroked the soft feathers.

"Thanks for looking after him, boy," he said softly. "I'll take him now."

He grunted as he hefted the Pokémon into his arms. Aron might be small, but that iron plate weighed a ton.

"I'm getting too old for this," he told the sleeping Pokémon. Altaria chuckled and promptly went back to sleep. Drake rolled his eyes and set off for Steven's office.

He didn't need to knock. Steven's door was wide open, and the Champion himself was sitting not at the desk but in one of the two easy chairs in front of the fire. An Archen sat on his lap, and Metagross was snoozing in the corner of the room. Drake smiled, and handed over the sleeping Aron.

"Think this is yours."

Steven took the Steel-type carefully, trying not to disturb Archen, and shook his head. "You got Altaria involved, didn't you?"

"Nothing that small should have that much energy," Drake insisted. "Little tyke was running him off his feet."

Steven chuckled, and tapped Aron's head very lightly with his Pokéball. "I suppose I can't argue with that." The baby dinosaur vanished, and Drake took a seat opposite his friend.

"You feeling better then?"

Steven flinched. "I've not been at my best today. I apologise."

Drake waved the apology away. "Everyone had bad days, and you have a damn sight fewer of them than most people." He knew full well that Steven wasn't nearly as at ease as he pretended every day, but he was usually able to cover his inner turmoil. It was only days like this, when it got too much to hide, that were the problem.

Steven scowled. "You shouldn't all go to this much trouble," he muttered, and there was enough self-recrimination in it for Drake to frown.

"It's no trouble if it's a friend."

Steven looked like he wanted to protest, but didn't want to push his luck, and Drake just about suppressed a sigh. Normally Steven was only too happy to challenge and push them, but at times like this the confident care-free masks came away to reveal an almost crippling lack of self-esteem.

"You'd do the same for us," he continued, "and have, as I recall. None of us mind, so you've got no reason to."

Steven's lips thinned, but he shook himself and gave Drake a small smile. "I can see I'm not going to get anywhere by arguing."

"No, you're not," said Drake bluntly. "So why don't you just sit down and take a break."

"That's what I am doing," Steven protested.

"Well, you keep doing it." He shook his head. "Knew I should have brought that whiskey."

Steven chuckled, but it was a strained sound that quickly died away. One hand continued to stroke Archen, and Drake watched his gaze turn distant as he stared into the fire. "Don't you think Hoenn deserves a Champion who can give more?" he asked softly. "One she deserves?"

Drake took a moment to smooth his moustache before he replied. "I think Hoenn already has the Champion she deserves."

Steven snorted softly. "I appreciate the sentiment, but you'll forgive me for not sharing it right now."

Drake forced himself to breathe evenly. He had to remember that he was the only person Steven would admit this sort of doubt to. Sidney, Phoebe, Wallace, they had been let in a certain extent and no further. Drake suspected he was the exception simply because he'd seen enough in his years as a trainer, Elite, Champion and now Elite again, that nothing could perturb him.

"That's fine," he said gruffly. "If you're still thinking so tomorrow, or in a few days, well, then we're going to have words."

Steven glanced at him, and shook his head. "Oh, I know I'm probably being ridiculous. Forgive me. It'll pass."

Drake eyed him, but it seemed the moment of sharing had passed. Instead he crossed his legs and rested his head back. "It'd better. You should get some sleep. You look like hell."

"Thanks," said Steven dryly. "You always know just what to say."

Despite his exasperated tone his eyes had softened, and Drake just smiled. "Course I do. You should listen to me more."

Steven didn't reply, but there was a faint smile on his own face as he continued to stroke Archen. Drake sat back and nodded to himself. It wasn't ideal, not by a long shot, but it would do for now.

They sat in silence together and watched the fire burn down to embers. 

* * *

 Steven sat back against Metagross and let himself relax. The fog was still present, and he felt utterly exhausted, but the despair and desperation had eased for the moment. His thoughts had ceased their seemingly endless repetition, and he almost felt like he could face the world without screaming.

Metagross hummed gently in his mind, and Steven leaned back against the cool metal leg.

"Thank you."

Metagross sent confusion, and Steven snorted. "I know it was you who sent Aron. It always is." He closed his eyes. "You do too much."

Comfort, reassurance and a love so fierce it was impossible to doubt it flooded his mind, and Steven swallowed down the lump in his throat. "Thank you," he whispered.

And it wasn't just Metagross he should be grateful for. 

* * *

 The next day Sidney received the contact details for a Pawniard breeder in Unova, and an approval for two weeks leave. Phoebe was informed that the Mega Stone was in fact a Medichamite, but was given a map with all the known locations of Banettite and Sablenite neatly marked out. Glacia, meanwhile, arrived to find a stack of finished paperwork, complete with appropriate annotations, some of which almost left her cackling. Drake looked at the expensive bottle of whiskey and shook his head and didn't even try to hide his own grin.

Steven just stood in the Champion's chamber, Metagross and Aggron at his right and left hands and Skarmory swooping round and through the columns, and waited for the challenges the day would bring.

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback would be very much appreciated.


End file.
